Number Seven Boat Trips Bristol | Touching base with Blackbeard, this Easter
It be a month since my last interference. I start this diatribe in a similar manner to a confession, because have just been through Holy week, not because I actually wish to confess to anything. Do not think me insincere when I say that I love Holy week. It’s true. I’m still waiting for my own resurrection. Though mine would be more appropriately celebrated with cannon fodder, than eggs. So, this is April, and what have we done? We have entered into the spirit of summer by doing what most Brits do; stripping ourselves to the minimum amount of clothing it is considered decent enough to get away with. In some cases, it goes beyond decency. Twas ever thus! The streets in the morning are less filled with the throng of commuters and more the mounting debris of the wastage incurred from the night before. What a time to be a wandering spirit. Is holiday time a period for reflection, or for forward strategical planning? Perhaps it is for neither, or nothing other than enjoying it for what it is; a holiday. All I have is reflection, being dead as I am. By reflection, I mean ‘consideration’ and not that I can see myself in any mirrors. It doesn’t bother me, though. I do not sweat, I do not burn in the sun and I will never be the April fool. So, here’s to that, and here’s looking at you, Bristol.
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Profanities at dawn vs Blackbeard

Things have moved on. The longest, most arduous month of the year has finally ended, and now it’s the time of the season for loving. Being the shortest month of the year, thankfully we haven’t time to get too bogged down with the ritual celebration of St. Valentine. My background of course is in swashbuckling and I simply can’t be doing with it; you understand? Besides which, this month signifies more to me that the year has finally started to wake up.

There is more to February than the highly lucrative date of the 14th. We’ve had snow, the coldest weather of the year and the warmest weather of the year so far. How about that? If that isn’t enough bang for your buck and snowmen really don’t do it for you, how about the emotional roller-coaster that February can inspire in us all. Some of us have loved and lost; done the whole thing, beginning, middle and end, all in the last two weeks. Take it from me; I see it all from up here!

I saw the male jogger who shouted in the face of a woman who was paying more attention to her phone than on the cobbled street of Narrow Quay. It was early in the AM, and although it was true that her phone was keeping her from watching his advance, the fact is that there was no one else around. Mr. Jogger had a great deal of time to alter his course as he drew nearer. He would not even have had to alter much at all, to pass completely safely. What he did instead was use the entirely open space to zero advantage, but pass the woman at close quarters and bellow profanities at her.

I am probably underestimating just what a crimp this can put on a persons’ day. It must have deeply upset his sensibilities to warrant such a response. I’m sure I do not fully appreciate the aftershock of an experience like that. Poor Mr. Jogger might have had to seek counselling!

One thing I reckon I can assume is that the offending woman is not the first person to be found guilty of getting distracted by her phone whilst walking. I don’t know a lot about what’s wrong with this modern world, but I’m sure there are worse things than this. This is, I think an example of something I am hearing more and more about. It’s called: ‘first world problems’. Try having your head hacked off and hung from a bowsprit! Tell me you have problems!  

It is February, ladies and gentlemen. It’s the time of the season for loving. As I said, we won’t have to endure it for long. We have the whole rest of the year to forget about St. Valentine. Though his image is a little sugary for my taste, let’s do him the respect of waiting until his month is over before we get into profanities at dawn.

Spare me!

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